Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!

Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.

Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.

Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.

23 power cords, 1 outlet.

Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.

Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.

If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."

If your boss calls you and asks you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.

You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.